I woke up this morning more alert than other days...its just plain weird. I"m not sure if i was excited to go to work or i had enough sleep or my liver just had detoxification for the past few days cos of me eating veges and no meat.
Why weird? Cos yesterday evening, i had a session with my boss. She wanted to know how am i doing in my work and my workload. Long story short...she told me of some feedbacks she heard from the seniors i used to work with...sad to say, i didn't hear anything positive(at least i didn't ask her). I was told that i do not take ownership of my work and i don't meet their expectations. Of course i felt down but i also know that i really did not take ownership of my work. Well, its not my work. Maybe that's why i don't take ownership of it. But its ok, i also agree that i should start taking ownership and i can change that. But expectations one...got me so mad. I was asking what is it that i did not meet their expectations. I heard that one task given to me, i did not meet their expectations...it was QC work..my first time doing that. I couldn't hold it, i got so mad i said to my boss, 'what???why didn't she tell me that after i have done it?If it can be better, then why don't they (ie my seniors) tell me?why are they bringing it up to you? does it help with anything? how am i supposed to know of their expectations of me when they don't even tell me what they expect!' So nonsense! if they wanna complain of me like that, i can also do the same! but i don't. cos i gave them benefit of a doubt. I went to work on a public holiday for almost 3 hours even when i'm late for my appt cos i knew they needed help(but i didn't stay thru all cos even if we prepare all also cannot finish when we go to site lar!) and i offered to drive to KL to sit with the nurse to make sure she finishes her work, not for my sake cos its not my project but for project's sake and now you tell me i don't meet YOUR expectations? Then tell me what in the world is your ****** expectations!?? What the heck!...i was seriously mad...even typing this now makes me mad. I"m so glad 2 of them have left! and i seriously can't believe they don't have the decency to tell me to my face. so nonsense!!!aaaaarrrggghhhh...
If i could walk up to them right now, i'll probably slap their face!
I don't normally get mad that easily except when driving...and this just pisses me big time!
But...all's done..so..what can i do now after i've cooled down?
Looking unto Jesus lor...and i know what i have to do...cos what would Jesus do...and what would the light and salt of the world do? bring pain to ppl's wound!heheehehehe..salt ma...
niweis...i guess i m writing this down cos...i've never really experienced this kind of things. Its terrible having to work in an environment where you can't trust people. I really don't wanna know my colleagues anymore except those sitting in my island. And i guess i need to be more alert and careful with what i say or do and pray...
I see this so called setback as an opportunity to improve, to be better at what i'm doing.
And maybe today i'm more alert cos i know what needs to be done...
and remember...why i am here...
