What a night...and choice...

haven't been blogging for ages now...just felt like blogging cos i feel like writing.
hahaha..my screen is giving me so much problem. my office server is under maintenance now so i can't do any updating work, it takes heaps of time to load photos on FB..my office desk is in a mess, i got tons of work undone, broken promises here and there, feelings of emoness threatening to burst my carefully guarded happy bubbles..i wish we could talk like friends again, i wish i didn't have to ask for much assurance, i wish i was shorter, taller, skinnier, more beautiful, younger, be less sensitive, i wish everybody loves me, i wish i stayed in aus, i wish i didn't have to think about how to celebrate my birthday, i wish my parents were nicer, argue less, love more, i wish i have a Civic, a semi-D, i wish i sang better, dance cooler, teach inspiringly, play well..wow..i know i'm complaining...but this real life, real feelings, real thoughts, real or unrealistic expectations...but this is wat i face. i cannot deny that but i can...do all things through Christ who strengthens me, who leads me to paths of righteousness as i CHOOSE to trust in Him. choose to react or respond right to it.
Without faith, it is impossible to please God, for He is a rewarder to those who diligently seeks Him. By faith, only by faith can miracles happen and mountains be removed and help will come in due time. For He has made everything beautiful in its time.
Before the world began, you were on His mind...
Because of His great love, He gave His only Son and everything was done so you would come.

-Kai Ling-

ramblings at night...

oh oh...the word dashboard reminds me of the band called dashboard confessional..sounds like so cool right...can't even remember the title of their songs...ah!Vindicated...yes.

niweis..today for Homes we learnt that the word of God is living and powerful. I remember Pr Sands shared that if the WOG is living and her body is living then we are speaking live to our body that is living..i was like..wow...true...gosh...i've been so emo lately..just lashing out at ppl and making a fool of myself!ughh...>.<

i gotta speak life into my situation and my life. enough of pity parties.

and give thanks. be content in whatever situation you are in. i guess i'm not doing enough of that, always looking for other things to satisfy myself...multitasking may be good but i don't think it does the person i'm talking to or basically just another person interacting with me any good cos they may feel unattended.

yeah..i'm not sure what i am rambling about. I just enjoy telling the details of a story. And just keep on typing nonstop. I want to go overseas to work. I wanna change job. I wanna go skiing. I wanna go to the beach. I wanna go Taiwan and eat Sun cake and drink bubble tea. I wanna join the Italian food cooking class. I wanna have salary increment. I wanna drive a honda city. I wanna use an iPhone. I wanna be...victorious and overcomer. I want so much. I don't have the means to get half of the above or even 3/4!!

hmm..looks like i've finished pouring out my heart...very sleepy again. Time to oink oink...

If you have anything good to say...say it. Be generous with your words but not misleading.

God bless..and good night.

To get things off my chest...

aaaah...another colleague left today. One of my closest friend in office...known him for almost 2 years. helpful and talkative and have a mind of his own...sometimes good, sometimes not but it depends on how he wants to live his life...gave him Nine book by Pastor K and message-to-go and church bulletin..hopefully he'll visit acts SG.

sigh...its quite disheartening to have people close to you leave...its not a bad thing..not for them and i shouldn't stop them either..no..let God do a new thing in their lives and mine...

I'm suddenly the most senior person in my department after my managers.senior in terms of experience..i have almost 2 years while the rest about a year or less.oh wells...i got to buck up...and finish my online trainings.hehehe...

been really tired...physically and emotionally..drained..trying to make ppl happy..trying to meet their expectations..trying to stay in control of some situations...trying to get my act right...trying to do everything at 1 time...trying to rush work so that i can leave office...trying..to run..but not stopping to savour the moment..and see the blue skies and watch the sunset..

do you realize that the sunset is always different...its never the same..

anyways..i realize that i can't take farewells well..i become emotionless...not sure how to react...cos its like...does it make any difference if i were to cry now?maybe not cry would be a better thing...less pain...

aiyo...so the morbid..talking bout pain...i'm so sleepy now...i can't stand it...good nite...YAWNNNN

Would you dare to believe...

Before the morning by Josh Wilson

Do you wonder why you have to,

feel the things that hurt you,

if there's a God who loves you,

where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see

and all those things are happening

to bring a better ending

some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Chorus:

Would you dare, would you dare, to believe,

that you still have a reason to sing,

'cause the pain you've been feeling,

can't compare to the joy that's coming

So hold on, you got to wait for the light

press on, just fight the good fight

because the pain you've been feeling,

it's just the dark before the morning

Verse

My friend, you know how this all ends

and you know where you're going,

you just don't know how you get there

so just say a prayer.

and hold on, cause there's good who love God,

life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,

but you'll see the bigger picture

Chorus

Would you dare, would you dare, to believe,

that you still have a reason to sing,

'cause the pain you've been feeling,

can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light

press on, just fight the good fight

because the pain you've been feeling,

it's just the dark before the morning

yeah, yeah,

before the morning,

yeah, yeah

Once you feel the way of glory,

all your pain will fade to memory

once you feel the way of glory,

all your pain will fade to memory

memory, memory, yeah

Would you dare, would you dare, to believe,

that you still have a reason to sing,

'cause the pain you've been feeling,

can't compare to the joy that's coming

com'n, you got to wait for the light

press on, just fight the good fight

because the pain you've been feeling,

it's just the hurt before the healing

the pain you've been feeling,

just the dark before the morning

before the morning, yeah, yeah

before the morning

Today i feel like Speedie Gonzolos

Well...of course i know the actual spelling but i'm not gonna type it out cos some spammers are just gonna recognize those words and stick some nonsense to my post!!!

SIGH...many thoughts i wish to write down here..perhaps i should go with how i just can't understand why some people's way of doing things is just not the same...

I seriously can't get it...and i guess i just need to be gracious about this...Jess said that we cannot impose our standards on others. which i agree as i remember long long time ago when i first stepped into Acts C, one leader also made the same statement. Giving an example about dressing out best to church. If a 'Pros' stepped into church and her best clothing is prolly a spaghetti top and short skirt, we shouldn't be so quick to judge and conclude anything bad about her. It may not be the best for 'us' but being a newcomer and God's creation, God wouldn't want us to not welcome her just cos of her dressing right...she has every right to be in God's house as anyone.

So yeah...though this is a different issue, i still have to apply this mindset. Which is so hard because i just feel like telling that person or persons to just do it!and remind yourself that you're doing it for God...cos i had to remind myself of that when i have to wake up earlier.SIGH...but if that person did overcome on that on their own cos of God, then i guess it would be a better testimony than to say that i forced that person to do it...

oh wells...

next, up...Italian cooking lessons!yes yes ^_^ coming soon...and of course the ever famous phone for now that starts with I.

i better get back to my work!

wahh...nuts...

its been almost a month since i last visited my blog and i got 4 worms sucking on the comments section!eww....deleted it forever...

so how's life treating me...?

can't say much...i don't know who reads these...all i know is that just penning down my thoughts, liberates me from thinking so much...

i know life can be more and better than this but i don't know how...and i don't know when...

is this the valley experience?i hope not again something i that i can't overcome that i can't shout about God...

Do you know who you're serving?

Not a dead God but a living God.

A merciful and gracious God.

An almighty God.

A God who is a Father to me.

A God who knows my needs before i tell it to Him.

A God who will never leave my side.

A God who is so good.

A good God...a God who loves...much.

so, with this as my rod and staff, i will fear no evil and know that angel Goodness and angel Mercy will follow me all the days of my life..

so, with this i continue on this journey of life...until i am no longer needed on earth...

He blessed Job's latter days more than his former days...i wanna claim the same blessings. I claim it in Jesus' name...

New title for Stadium SA C event...

really nice song from the GDOP album 2010...the vocalists are all hebat...the music is okok only so i reckon if Acts church gabung with them...wah....kuasa hebat!
hahahaha...
it was definitely history making seeing close to 9000 ppl gather together for prayer.young and old, ppl from all races...even as far as East Malaysia...
our GOd is just so awesome...

tomorrow..is retreat day...Life. looking forward to it...Melaka is a nice place..not really looking for adventure or to rough it out but just to seek the direction for this season...
last year's work had a 'heart' surgery...so did i have a new heart?or...the heart is now fixed? dunnoler...i remember last year i didn't really wanna go for retreat...cos i wasn't looking forward to it at all! i've never felt like that..so, i shouldn't have gone last year..hahaha..cos i can't remember much from it!haaaaaaaa....
niweis..for this one, i'm looking forward to it...i wonder what will unfold out of this...God, show me and prepare me for the next phase of my life...

i've never travelled as much as i am now. i'll be out of the house in the morning to Penang and back from Penang at nite..its as though its so near!!!
This year..without even planning for any overseas trip, i was blessed with a trip to Korea!
i hope to have more overseas trip cos i remember asking God that i wanted to Korea or Japan!
wooohooo...He answered my prayers...

actually i got more to write...and i always have somethings to write but never really had the time or energy to do so like now...sleepy dy...so all you readers of my blog...enjoy!hahaha

What could i say...what could i do...

This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.

I woke up this morning more alert than other days...its just plain weird. I"m not sure if i was excited to go to work or i had enough sleep or my liver just had detoxification for the past few days cos of me eating veges and no meat.

Why weird? Cos yesterday evening, i had a session with my boss. She wanted to know how am i doing in my work and my workload. Long story short...she told me of some feedbacks she heard from the seniors i used to work with...sad to say, i didn't hear anything positive(at least i didn't ask her). I was told that i do not take ownership of my work and i don't meet their expectations. Of course i felt down but i also know that i really did not take ownership of my work. Well, its not my work. Maybe that's why i don't take ownership of it. But its ok, i also agree that i should start taking ownership and i can change that. But expectations one...got me so mad. I was asking what is it that i did not meet their expectations. I heard that one task given to me, i did not meet their expectations...it was QC work..my first time doing that. I couldn't hold it, i got so mad i said to my boss, 'what???why didn't she tell me that after i have done it?If it can be better, then why don't they (ie my seniors) tell me?why are they bringing it up to you? does it help with anything? how am i supposed to know of their expectations of me when they don't even tell me what they expect!' So nonsense! if they wanna complain of me like that, i can also do the same! but i don't. cos i gave them benefit of a doubt. I went to work on a public holiday for almost 3 hours even when i'm late for my appt cos i knew they needed help(but i didn't stay thru all cos even if we prepare all also cannot finish when we go to site lar!) and i offered to drive to KL to sit with the nurse to make sure she finishes her work, not for my sake cos its not my project but for project's sake and now you tell me i don't meet YOUR expectations? Then tell me what in the world is your ****** expectations!?? What the heck!...i was seriously mad...even typing this now makes me mad. I"m so glad 2 of them have left! and i seriously can't believe they don't have the decency to tell me to my face. so nonsense!!!aaaaarrrggghhhh...

If i could walk up to them right now, i'll probably slap their face!

I don't normally get mad that easily except when driving...and this just pisses me big time!

But...all's done..so..what can i do now after i've cooled down?

Looking unto Jesus lor...and i know what i have to do...cos what would Jesus do...and what would the light and salt of the world do? bring pain to ppl's wound!heheehehehe..salt ma...

niweis...i guess i m writing this down cos...i've never really experienced this kind of things. Its terrible having to work in an environment where you can't trust people. I really don't wanna know my colleagues anymore except those sitting in my island. And i guess i need to be more alert and careful with what i say or do and pray...

I see this so called setback as an opportunity to improve, to be better at what i'm doing.

And maybe today i'm more alert cos i know what needs to be done...

and remember...why i am here...

Popcorn in Cat city =)...

oh wow...i got a box of popcorn from the nurse in Kuching's hospital...
she told me it was sold in the Spring..it looked so yummy, it broughts smiles to the custom officers and a gush of excitement from the air steward(gasp!is that popcorn???)
yeap..its known as bird's food cos birds eat jagung (bertih) according to the custom officers opinion on popcorn.

GLee song ringing in my head..i think the ABC's should perform it one day...for the fun of it..with the guitar solo..yeah...

A moment of insanity...

i just finished typing a blog about my dresses and it went pyeeeettt...ERROR. cannot publish >_< sigh!

i can stand most things but not when it comes to my dresses...it is the most precious thing to me. It must be handwash not machine wash! ugh...i really really hate it and get really engry when it is washed in washing machine...i don't care that it is in a laundry bag! the thing is, its not supposed to be wrung up!!aaaaahhhh!geramnyaaaaaaaaa....
cos dresses that fits me are hard to find and the price is expensive!!i wanna keep it and make it last as long as it can!not to loosen it with washing machine thus making it brittle...
aiyooo...understand lar!!!!!

My 1st sport for the year...

I just remembered that we have people who will google for different events that happened in church just to see their feedbacks...which makes it a little difficult to hide this blog.hahaha...

yesterday i helped out in my church's teen sports game cum telematch..it was called...T e e n Cha l l en ge..so i was the time keeper for the 30secs to fame and the captain ball match..it was quite fun..and even more fun to know i was the only gal in the so called sports team..yeah..=)
official timekeeper for TC brought to you by Nokia stopwatch...the coolest you'll ever have..
anyways...jokes aside..after the whole thing ended with Army of 3 performing, some of us had the chance to play basketball and daisy n i joined this high school kids for a game of basketball..they are absolutely sweet..they gave me and daisy a chance to shoot goals..for me, i'm just happy to be able to play and run around half court. it was my first exercise of the year..and most likely in 2 years!
man...i love sports more than gym!hehehe...i couldn't bring myself to commit to gym..but basketball or captain ball??anytime man..bring it on!!
yeah..so..i woke up this morning with aches on my hands and then later during evening on my waist..wah..but i feel good cos it tells me that i exercised!

i'm so excited...wish we could have more of this!i'll learn to dribble if i ever get a chance!hehe

Wat a wonderful vorld...

Ok, the reason i purposely misspell it, is to prevent people from googling into my blog. Then again, i could set up a password to prevent people from reading but i don't really mind if people read it as well...just not strangers..as much as possible..

And i think to myself (humming), wat a wonderful...vorld
haha..you know...its quite exciting to see how things work out for good to those who are in Christ Jesus. This Mon, one of my key on my keyboard gave way totally...i couldn't do anything to make it stay and that key has actually been giving me some trouble here and there but still tolerable. So when it finally 'died', i didn't really know wat to do..i tried fixing it by my own way(lots of glue and some double sided tape) but it just..didn't stay. And its really difficult to type. Then, on that afternoon, my company's local IT vendor came to our office for some work(we don't have an IT dept in our office). I was like (eyes opened wide) great!i want to ask for your help. Normally i wouldn't even talk much to this guy so he had a surprised look on his face when i asked for his help to fix the keyboard. He tried but it still didn't work that well but it gave me some idea on how to make the letter N 'workable' on the keyboard. But each time i press that letter, i had to press it a few times or i have to press harder and when i press harder, naturally, the rest of the letters i typed, i also pressed it really hard though it is only N that is faulty. My fingers hurt and i felt like i was gonna have Carpal Tunnel Syndrom.e. Not a nice feeling.

Long story short, the IT guy is back today and i asked my actual IT support guy who is based in S'pore to help me and he told me to get that guy to help since he can't do much on his end. I found out my office had another spare laptop that is similar to mine and this IT guy took that keyboard out and placed it in mine. On top of that, my laptop battery which can only run my laptop for 45 mins max was also replaced with that laptop's. It wasn't part of the package but cos i complained. HAHA..no one using that laptop anyway..i wanted to change the whole laptop cos one corner of my laptop is broken cos i dropped it. Haha...niweis i didn't. I'm quite happy with my new keyboard which is like 10 times easier to press and the battery which seems to run a bit longer than normal..like extra 5 mins.hahahaha...

And just this last week, i suddenly had this revelation: prayer works.
When i think about people i wanna invite for 2015 event or Project U, if you want them to say yes, you must pray and ask God for help. Cos without prayer, change is not to the positive.
yeah..i'm sure some reading this must be like wat???NOW only she knows ar??Christian how long liao!!?? aiyo...its different when you are convinced that prayer works than if you just know head knowledge that it works...

wah..i banyak tulis today...1 last testimony. i prayed for a car park in 1u today and specific that it should be near to the lift. And God answered. Wow...if you are willing to do God's work, He will make your path straight. No need to worry about this or that...
Thanks be to God.(my mom use this phrase too and she not christian yet).

My first post...

A draft for now...but maybe...its also final...hahahahha

So on Wednesday i found out i was going to Singapore!yay! it has always been my dream to go Singapore with the team to minister. Cos i enjoy travelling and meeting people and be a blessing there.8 of us left in 2 cars to Singapore and thank God for the smooth and safe journey. We reached at about 1230pm and had lunch then went to the church office in Rangoon Street for music practice and SALT. The church office is rather small but clean. Fellowshipped with the people there. For dinner, Pr Martin and Pr Lucas treated us with delicious seafood at the East Coast centre. Big crabs cooked in chili and another place of big crabs cooked with black pepper and other food as well.
On Sunday, we went jalan jalan at Orchard and then lunch then service...it was a good service, pr kenneth preached about confidence in God. many ppl stood up to be prayed for. intotal, the congregation we had about 80 ppl.after another hour of fellowshipping, we had dinner and continued our journey to KL. WHat i caught from this trip is the Pastors heart there that really wants and is ready to support Pr Kenneth's leadership and vision for the church and its really encouraging for me to see that...i'm sure it took a long time for them but Pr LUcas sendiri mentioned that last year 2009 was the year of transitioninig for the church and this year, they are ready to take off...so when u see pastor so gung ho, i can't help but feel that the congreagation will eventually catch it as well...praise God.
And today, just got back from YWA vision casting with Pr Alex. We are starting a new strategy to reach out to YWA and the idea was birthed out of a sharing i had with Adeline in terms of growing the PGs and managing it. Praise God again bcos i never had an idea which the leader...ie the life core team would use to be a part of sometihng big...i couldn't believe it...of course it wasn't just me but myself and adeline lim were discussing and it sounded do-able and i tot it would just be for uptown an BU PG but no, they expanded it and now for all YWAs involved in PG...its so amazing!..which means...GOd spoke to me!hahaha...He gave me the idea...and i should learn to listen more and be more confident that it is from God...yeah..so the verse i would recommend you all to read is in 2 Tim 4. Be ready in and out of season. and more...that's wat i got when i was in Singapore...all glory to God...