ramblings at night...

oh oh...the word dashboard reminds me of the band called dashboard confessional..sounds like so cool right...can't even remember the title of their songs...ah!Vindicated...yes.

niweis..today for Homes we learnt that the word of God is living and powerful. I remember Pr Sands shared that if the WOG is living and her body is living then we are speaking live to our body that is living..i was like..wow...true...gosh...i've been so emo lately..just lashing out at ppl and making a fool of myself!ughh...>.<

i gotta speak life into my situation and my life. enough of pity parties.

and give thanks. be content in whatever situation you are in. i guess i'm not doing enough of that, always looking for other things to satisfy myself...multitasking may be good but i don't think it does the person i'm talking to or basically just another person interacting with me any good cos they may feel unattended.

yeah..i'm not sure what i am rambling about. I just enjoy telling the details of a story. And just keep on typing nonstop. I want to go overseas to work. I wanna change job. I wanna go skiing. I wanna go to the beach. I wanna go Taiwan and eat Sun cake and drink bubble tea. I wanna join the Italian food cooking class. I wanna have salary increment. I wanna drive a honda city. I wanna use an iPhone. I wanna be...victorious and overcomer. I want so much. I don't have the means to get half of the above or even 3/4!!

hmm..looks like i've finished pouring out my heart...very sleepy again. Time to oink oink...

If you have anything good to say...say it. Be generous with your words but not misleading.

God bless..and good night.

To get things off my chest...

aaaah...another colleague left today. One of my closest friend in office...known him for almost 2 years. helpful and talkative and have a mind of his own...sometimes good, sometimes not but it depends on how he wants to live his life...gave him Nine book by Pastor K and message-to-go and church bulletin..hopefully he'll visit acts SG.

sigh...its quite disheartening to have people close to you leave...its not a bad thing..not for them and i shouldn't stop them either..no..let God do a new thing in their lives and mine...

I'm suddenly the most senior person in my department after my managers.senior in terms of experience..i have almost 2 years while the rest about a year or less.oh wells...i got to buck up...and finish my online trainings.hehehe...

been really tired...physically and emotionally..drained..trying to make ppl happy..trying to meet their expectations..trying to stay in control of some situations...trying to get my act right...trying to do everything at 1 time...trying to rush work so that i can leave office...trying..to run..but not stopping to savour the moment..and see the blue skies and watch the sunset..

do you realize that the sunset is always different...its never the same..

anyways..i realize that i can't take farewells well..i become emotionless...not sure how to react...cos its like...does it make any difference if i were to cry now?maybe not cry would be a better thing...less pain...

aiyo...so the morbid..talking bout pain...i'm so sleepy now...i can't stand it...good nite...YAWNNNN

Would you dare to believe...

Before the morning by Josh Wilson

Do you wonder why you have to,

feel the things that hurt you,

if there's a God who loves you,

where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see

and all those things are happening

to bring a better ending

some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Chorus:

Would you dare, would you dare, to believe,

that you still have a reason to sing,

'cause the pain you've been feeling,

can't compare to the joy that's coming

So hold on, you got to wait for the light

press on, just fight the good fight

because the pain you've been feeling,

it's just the dark before the morning

Verse

My friend, you know how this all ends

and you know where you're going,

you just don't know how you get there

so just say a prayer.

and hold on, cause there's good who love God,

life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,

but you'll see the bigger picture

Chorus

Would you dare, would you dare, to believe,

that you still have a reason to sing,

'cause the pain you've been feeling,

can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light

press on, just fight the good fight

because the pain you've been feeling,

it's just the dark before the morning

yeah, yeah,

before the morning,

yeah, yeah

Once you feel the way of glory,

all your pain will fade to memory

once you feel the way of glory,

all your pain will fade to memory

memory, memory, yeah

Would you dare, would you dare, to believe,

that you still have a reason to sing,

'cause the pain you've been feeling,

can't compare to the joy that's coming

com'n, you got to wait for the light

press on, just fight the good fight

because the pain you've been feeling,

it's just the hurt before the healing

the pain you've been feeling,

just the dark before the morning

before the morning, yeah, yeah

before the morning

Today i feel like Speedie Gonzolos

Well...of course i know the actual spelling but i'm not gonna type it out cos some spammers are just gonna recognize those words and stick some nonsense to my post!!!

SIGH...many thoughts i wish to write down here..perhaps i should go with how i just can't understand why some people's way of doing things is just not the same...

I seriously can't get it...and i guess i just need to be gracious about this...Jess said that we cannot impose our standards on others. which i agree as i remember long long time ago when i first stepped into Acts C, one leader also made the same statement. Giving an example about dressing out best to church. If a 'Pros' stepped into church and her best clothing is prolly a spaghetti top and short skirt, we shouldn't be so quick to judge and conclude anything bad about her. It may not be the best for 'us' but being a newcomer and God's creation, God wouldn't want us to not welcome her just cos of her dressing right...she has every right to be in God's house as anyone.

So yeah...though this is a different issue, i still have to apply this mindset. Which is so hard because i just feel like telling that person or persons to just do it!and remind yourself that you're doing it for God...cos i had to remind myself of that when i have to wake up earlier.SIGH...but if that person did overcome on that on their own cos of God, then i guess it would be a better testimony than to say that i forced that person to do it...

oh wells...

next, up...Italian cooking lessons!yes yes ^_^ coming soon...and of course the ever famous phone for now that starts with I.

i better get back to my work!

wahh...nuts...

its been almost a month since i last visited my blog and i got 4 worms sucking on the comments section!eww....deleted it forever...

so how's life treating me...?

can't say much...i don't know who reads these...all i know is that just penning down my thoughts, liberates me from thinking so much...

i know life can be more and better than this but i don't know how...and i don't know when...

is this the valley experience?i hope not again something i that i can't overcome that i can't shout about God...

Do you know who you're serving?

Not a dead God but a living God.

A merciful and gracious God.

An almighty God.

A God who is a Father to me.

A God who knows my needs before i tell it to Him.

A God who will never leave my side.

A God who is so good.

A good God...a God who loves...much.

so, with this as my rod and staff, i will fear no evil and know that angel Goodness and angel Mercy will follow me all the days of my life..

so, with this i continue on this journey of life...until i am no longer needed on earth...

He blessed Job's latter days more than his former days...i wanna claim the same blessings. I claim it in Jesus' name...

New title for Stadium SA C event...

really nice song from the GDOP album 2010...the vocalists are all hebat...the music is okok only so i reckon if Acts church gabung with them...wah....kuasa hebat!
hahahaha...
it was definitely history making seeing close to 9000 ppl gather together for prayer.young and old, ppl from all races...even as far as East Malaysia...
our GOd is just so awesome...

tomorrow..is retreat day...Life. looking forward to it...Melaka is a nice place..not really looking for adventure or to rough it out but just to seek the direction for this season...
last year's work had a 'heart' surgery...so did i have a new heart?or...the heart is now fixed? dunnoler...i remember last year i didn't really wanna go for retreat...cos i wasn't looking forward to it at all! i've never felt like that..so, i shouldn't have gone last year..hahaha..cos i can't remember much from it!haaaaaaaa....
niweis..for this one, i'm looking forward to it...i wonder what will unfold out of this...God, show me and prepare me for the next phase of my life...

i've never travelled as much as i am now. i'll be out of the house in the morning to Penang and back from Penang at nite..its as though its so near!!!
This year..without even planning for any overseas trip, i was blessed with a trip to Korea!
i hope to have more overseas trip cos i remember asking God that i wanted to Korea or Japan!
wooohooo...He answered my prayers...

actually i got more to write...and i always have somethings to write but never really had the time or energy to do so like now...sleepy dy...so all you readers of my blog...enjoy!hahaha

What could i say...what could i do...

This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.

I woke up this morning more alert than other days...its just plain weird. I"m not sure if i was excited to go to work or i had enough sleep or my liver just had detoxification for the past few days cos of me eating veges and no meat.

Why weird? Cos yesterday evening, i had a session with my boss. She wanted to know how am i doing in my work and my workload. Long story short...she told me of some feedbacks she heard from the seniors i used to work with...sad to say, i didn't hear anything positive(at least i didn't ask her). I was told that i do not take ownership of my work and i don't meet their expectations. Of course i felt down but i also know that i really did not take ownership of my work. Well, its not my work. Maybe that's why i don't take ownership of it. But its ok, i also agree that i should start taking ownership and i can change that. But expectations one...got me so mad. I was asking what is it that i did not meet their expectations. I heard that one task given to me, i did not meet their expectations...it was QC work..my first time doing that. I couldn't hold it, i got so mad i said to my boss, 'what???why didn't she tell me that after i have done it?If it can be better, then why don't they (ie my seniors) tell me?why are they bringing it up to you? does it help with anything? how am i supposed to know of their expectations of me when they don't even tell me what they expect!' So nonsense! if they wanna complain of me like that, i can also do the same! but i don't. cos i gave them benefit of a doubt. I went to work on a public holiday for almost 3 hours even when i'm late for my appt cos i knew they needed help(but i didn't stay thru all cos even if we prepare all also cannot finish when we go to site lar!) and i offered to drive to KL to sit with the nurse to make sure she finishes her work, not for my sake cos its not my project but for project's sake and now you tell me i don't meet YOUR expectations? Then tell me what in the world is your ****** expectations!?? What the heck!...i was seriously mad...even typing this now makes me mad. I"m so glad 2 of them have left! and i seriously can't believe they don't have the decency to tell me to my face. so nonsense!!!aaaaarrrggghhhh...

If i could walk up to them right now, i'll probably slap their face!

I don't normally get mad that easily except when driving...and this just pisses me big time!

But...all's done..so..what can i do now after i've cooled down?

Looking unto Jesus lor...and i know what i have to do...cos what would Jesus do...and what would the light and salt of the world do? bring pain to ppl's wound!heheehehehe..salt ma...

niweis...i guess i m writing this down cos...i've never really experienced this kind of things. Its terrible having to work in an environment where you can't trust people. I really don't wanna know my colleagues anymore except those sitting in my island. And i guess i need to be more alert and careful with what i say or do and pray...

I see this so called setback as an opportunity to improve, to be better at what i'm doing.

And maybe today i'm more alert cos i know what needs to be done...

and remember...why i am here...