what a bad day...

sigh..i seriously hate to talk about how bad my day is but i feel better when i let it out...so here goes..
i had full appointments today..can't handle anymore but somehow just when i tot my day has been planned out, comes one request to do a particular test(called EEG) for 4 freaking hours!!!i'm like NO!...din't hear me?NO! no! NO! i won't take in this patient, tho they may come from Indonesia..no room and no one to jaga the patient.before u think i'm being all nasty and a jerk by rejecting this patient who needs this test..i tell you, most of the time, they dun need it urgently(guess wat??after the EEG test they wanted to do brain scan but they couldn't do it today.So u know wat they say?we'll do it next time we come-_-!!!!!!!).and they have to come back another day anyway.and i have a million other reasons to justify my actions....
i was so angry when they say must do it today and they are willing to pay OT. so wat if u can pay, i'm NOT gonna stay back just to do this test!you think u got money so big ar??!!i have other patients who came 1st and i dun even have the time to do theirs.so after getting all worked up bout this, i felt kesian also this patient.They come all the way.and as much as i wan to accommodate them in my schedule, i really really can't. So, my boss came to me and asked why cannot do it? i told him i have other patients at hand and no one is gonna look after this patient even if i were start the recording.AND i dun wan to stay back till 10pm. So he din't force me. BUT later on, i begin to question my decision...bad move...cos my boss came and asked, 'Can you do 1 hour EEG only?no need 4 hours.' I felt my legs gave way...not really lar..but i gave in...shucks..just when i tot i wan to see wat would happen if i stand on my decision by saying No..i gave in...so i did 1 hour of EEG...and to my surprise, i finished it b4 6pm and in 1 hour.got most information i needed. Only God can help me in situations like this. cos since i gave in to 1 hour, they will ask for 2 hours lar..since u've already prepared the patient, just do 2 hours-_-..man...NO!
This is work stress.for me. different i guess from most other jobs.nonetheless stress..i don't like cos i'm the only one doing OT while everyone else leaves on time.its not fair...and i get it most of the time.sigh
in another perspective, i see God putting me in a position where i'm very much needed.sorta like anchor-lady in my lab.That is why it has been very hard for me to move into another job cos i pity my colleagues who will take on my load which is a lot. I thank God that He gave me the capacity to learn fast and work efficiently.But in this, it is also the main reason why i wasn't ready to leave earlier(and even now)bcos if i were to change industry, i would have to start all over again or in a lesser position than where i am now (meaning less money-_- but i have big financial commitments).
To make matters worse, i got home and got irritated by my mom. i guess misheard wat she says and i got really irked...super irked.
so tired thinking of wat went wrong and how it went wrong...and wat i can do to make it right..tho i know..maybe..i dun wanna do it.
maybe all these stem from lack of sleep....haha....